Friday, 19 November 2010

...Is Passing On A Gentle Reminder!

Hello again everyone! I hope that you're all well & marvellous. This is just a gentle reminder to check out my new home at http://mumtazhussain.com/todaymumtaz/

I hope you all like my new blog page and continue to get lots of benefit from my articles. Please remember to leave your comments and if you like what you've read then please PASS IT ON! Thats all for now! See you over at http://mumtazhussain.com/todaymumtaz/


Monday, 1 November 2010

Just One More Thing...



How many of you would like to make more money? How many of you would like to become money magnets? In that case, this one-day workshop might be just what you're looking for. It's run by the effervescent & amazing Marie-Claire Carlyle, a Hayhouse published author, who has been transforming people's lives for the better in her Money Magnet workshops.

I've attended her workshop and I wanted to share this with you all. This is one secret I didn't want to keep to myself, so please come along and see for yourself.

The last Money Magnet Workshop was held in London and was introduced by Rachel Elnaugh of Dragon's Den. The day was a great success with over 95% of attendees from the day saying they would recommend it to a friend . Individuals experienced life changing events literally 24 hours after the course which included manifesting a new job after being unemployed for several weeks, attracting new business opportunities and securing a new house and change of career!

The event is taking place at the fantastic Carden Park Hotel in Chester and provides the perfect setting for challenging the unconscious ceiling to the amount of wealth we allow ourselves and the fears and beliefs we hold around money and attracting it.



Choose Your Venue
Contact Tel No:


Tuesday, 5 October 2010

...Says Au Revoir!

Hello everyone, this is just a short post to let you know Im moving & I'd like to pass on my new address to all of you.

Come over to my new place which is at http://mumtazhussain.com/todaymumtaz/.

I'm still unpacking over at my new home, so it's still a bit disorganised, but please ignore the temporary mess and pop by and say hello! :)

Tuesday, 28 September 2010

...Considers The Rules Of Love.

I want to meet someone wonderful, a male someone wonderful in my case, and I want to fall in love and get married. In that order. I’m very clear on the order. I don’t want to get married first and hope the love will follow, and I don’t want to meet someone and liaise with them casually without having a shared intention to get married (even if that doesn’t necessarily happen). But the truth of the matter is that the order in which it happens is not the real problem.

It’s all the rules that we attach to our perception of the perfect partner and the perfect relationship that get in the way of having the relationship that’s perfect for you.

You know what I’m talking about here, don’t you? Yes you do...admit it. You have a mental “tick-box questionnaire” in your head that you complete without your date’s knowledge. Guess what? They’re doing it too! The reassuring part is that we all do it.

I wonder how many of my readers feel the same way? Come on be honest! And how many of you feel there are so many rules out there, that in the end the whole relationship malarkey looks exhausting so you give up before even trying? We convince ourselves that the single life is far more appealing and we tell ourselves we’re happy being single, that the mere thought of being in a relationship is suffocating. Our new mantra is “...I don’t want to lose my freedom/friends/space for a wo/man no matter how gorgeous/rich/tall/handsome s/he is. Na-ah. No way. Not. For. Me...” Sound familiar? I thought so.

Here are some of the rules that I’ve come across (not all mine I hasten to add):

1. The Age Rule. Im not in my 20’s any more, Im not even in my 30’s any more...does that mean I can’t look at potential partners from those age groups? Men don’t seem too worried about this rule when it comes to looking at younger partners, but no matter what Demi says, it still provokes a reaction when an older woman steps out with a younger man. It never bothered me, I must say. In my opinion, it’s stage not age that matters. Delete this rule.

2. The Race Rule. He’s got to be athletic & be able to run a 1 minute mile. Barefoot. No, but seriously, many communities are more open-minded than ever before about interracial marriages and they are very common-place now. In my own family we have a wide variety of countries represented, including Bangladesh, Morrocco, England, Norway, Iran and Pakistan. Delete this rule.

3. The Geography Rule. I don’t know about you but I really don’t like long distance relationships (Affectionately known as the LDR!) How can I get to know someone if they live in another country or at the other end of this one? Even with the technological advances that have brought us mobile phones, email, skype and webcams, when it comes to relationships, I see these as fake methods of communication. It’s sort of cheating in my opinion. That is to say, if you’re relying on text messages and emails as a main method of interaction, then you’re cheating your partner out of real meaningful communication which can only happen when you’re in the same room. It’s said that 93% of communication is non verbal. That means if you’re emailing or texting or only talking on the phone, you’re both missing out on tone of voice, body language, eye-contact to name but a few non-verbals. I strongly believe you will never know if you’re truly compatible with someone if your postcodes are in different languages. The LDR is not for me. Uphold this rule.

4. The Approval Rule. My parents didn’t like my first husband initially, then they loved him so much that they were more upset at our divorce than me! (Don’t worry that all changed when they found out why I left him, but I digress...). We all want our family & friends to like our partner as much as we do, and we do place peer & family approval high on our lists. However I’m a firm believer that when your family see how much in love you both are, they will love her/him just as much as you. So I don’t worry too much about this one. Delete this rule.

That means there’s only one of the above rules I really need to obey. Phew! Of course my intended has to have shared values and principles, be kind, loving, loyal, respect my boundaries & respect my children and want to spend the rest of his life with me. Oh and he’s got to share the housework, the cooking, the duvet...oh no...more rules!

What rules do you have that are stopping you from enjoying the relationship that’s perfect for you? Notice how I said the relationship that’s perfect for you, not the perfect relationship. Because the truth is that there are no perfect relationships.The best we can hope for is a gorgeous heady mixture of two people’s fixtures, fixations & foibles, all working together in imperfect harmony.

Wouldn’t it be simpler to throw out the rule book and just prepare for the perfection that is to love and be loved? Now there’s a rule worth sticking to!

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

... Asks Are You Really Over Your Ex?

The relationship was so so SO great, you were convinced she was the one. This is quite simply the best thing that has ever happened to you and it’s never going to end. Oh my gosh I love her! I never want to be without him! How could I ever live without her? We’re gonna get married and have babies and be deliriously happy! Yay!

Then you break up. And the breakup was...well, ...not that bad actually. You're sooooo over it!

Here’s 10 signs, that apply to men and women alike, that you’re well and truly over your ex:
  1. You no longer look for his name on your mobile when it rings/beeps with a text.
  2. You’ve stopped stalking her/her friends/her family on Facebook/twitter/myspace.
  3. You don’t feel the need to drive past her place at 11pm...1am...3am...
  4. All her stuff is now in the bin/at the charity store.
  5. You no longer rummage through your “memories box” for reminders of the good times.
  6. You don't have that memory box any more.
  7. Hearing his name doesn’t make your heart miss a beat any more.
  8. You’ve stopped checking your inbox for new emails from her...even though it’s been precisely 8 minutes since you last checked.
  9. You don’t go for walks alone any more in all the old familiar places, hoping she’ll be there too.
  10. The thought of them being with someone else doesn't hurt your feelings.

Did you recognise any of the signs? Great! Because now you know you’re well and truly over “the ex”, and you’re ready to look forward to the next loving experience. Start by expecting the best relationship for you to come to you naturally and easily. Be loving, kind and sincere and expect the best...it’s what you deserve and it’s heading in your direction, so be prepared to recognise it when it shows up! 

Wednesday, 15 September 2010

...Shares Her Musings On Forgiveness.



This is a very personal piece which I wrote for my own benefit to clear some of the clutter in my head, and I’d like to share this because it may help you if you’re experiencing something similar.

I recently spent some time (a very brief period truth be told, spanning all of 45 minutes) in the company of a small group of people who I thought I had long ago forgiven for a hurt that I felt had been perpetrated upon me. The details don’t matter (they rarely do after any given period of time do they?) but the emotional attachment to the event remained. My reaction upon seeing them again after many years proved that. Also, the forgiveness I thought I had exercised had not worked.

I got to wondering, how useful is the process of forgiveness and why is it so important? And when do we know we’ve truly forgiven someone?

Forgive and forget goes the saying...well I had forgotten nothing. I wouldn’t show it on the outside - well, we don’t do we because we don’t want the other person to know they’ve hurt us. (Hang on a minute...are they really bothered? Ouch...that hurts even more). I’m still harbouring pain and they act as if they don’t even remember much less care. How could I feel so upset after so long? I spent just 45 minutes with them and was angry about something that happened years ago.

I did all the “right things” at the time it happened - I rationalised the disagreement in my head, applied intellect and logic to the ugly scenes that had unfolded and, duly satisfied with my version of events, I moved forward with my life. Or so I thought.

But in that moment years later when unexpectedly confronted by this group of people all the old feelings of anger and hurt rose to the surface instantaneously.

I’ve been involved on a journey of personal growth and development long enough to know that I had to get some perspective on the situation otherwise the negative emotions I was swimming in threatened to swamp me. So I took a step back and considered the facts, with no emotional attachment. The relief was immediate. This was just a group of people meeting up. Simple. No drama required. Maybe the relief I felt did not deal with the bubbling anger and pain, but it worked, and I enjoyed the rest of the evening. I then decided to take it one step further, and I decided I had to let it go permanently.

To do that I felt it was necessary (somewhat reluctantly I must admit) to consider it from their point of view. After all, feelings had been hurt on both sides and harsh words had been exchanged. We can never truly know what another person is thinking, but I believe there are many common threads that connect us all. One of those is the human desire for happiness. By happiness I mean the certainty we feel at the core of our being that we were put on this beautiful planet to appreciate the bounty that surrounds us and in doing so strengthen our connection to the Creator of all this splendour. That is one of the key sources of all happiness.

Surely they too wanted to let the dispute go and embrace the happiness that is our collective birthright?

Why was I getting so involved in the emotional attachment to a set of circumstances that took place so many years ago when there is so much beauty in the world and so much happiness and fulfilment at our fingertips in the here and now? It seemed a tremendous waste of energy. The burden of carrying old, worn out grievances can become so great that we lose sight of the big picture. We can fall into a pattern of forcing ourselves to remember each and every grievance that we perceive has been meted out upon us, so we can plan our vitriolic response meticulously should that person ever cross our path again. Or we go to great lengths to avoid them in the misguided belief that avoidance will solve the problem.

How exhausting! It really is far easier to just let it go and trust that whatever happened was a useful lesson to carry forward in our lives. That’s not to say that I’m suggesting we should condone a bad act, but simply to accept that it happened, acknowledge that it’s over now, and feel glad you’re forearmed in case it happens again. In doing so, you let yourself off the hook of perpetual misery. Imagine how light you’ll feel if you go about your day looking for opportunities to enhance your life and the lives of those around you, rather than spending vast amounts of energy recounting the details of past betrayals, whether the retelling occurs verbally or mentally.

The relief I felt from just one episode of letting go of the hurt as well as releasing the sense of indignation I’ve carried around in the equivalent of what can only be described as an emotional trunk (luggage not elephant) was phenomenal! I had made a healthy positive decision that didn’t compromise my principles and didn’t compound the situation further. I did it with grace and dignity, I was polite and respectful of their rights as fellow humans.They had nothing to do with my choice to let it go for good, and I did not feel the need to discuss it with them or have a post mortem of the argument (even though I’ve had it prepared in my head for years!) My demeanour said it all. I was back in control of my emotions, and I felt relieved, relaxed and happy.

That was when I knew forgiveness had taken place in my heart and at my core.

So perhaps that’s the essence of forgiveness. Letting ourselves off the hook lovingly and giving ourselves permission, with kindness and grace, to move forward and enjoy our lives freely.  It’s not about “them” or what they did, it’s about us and how we choose to respond. Essentially we start by forgiving ourselves for holding on to the hurt, and what follows from that is an easy and very natural progression to forgiving the people who in our perception have hurt us.

Friday, 10 September 2010

...Is Going On A Roadtrip!

Have you ever been told that life is a journey? Whether you’ve heard it before or not, and the chances are you have, I reckon we all reach that conclusion at one stage of our lives or another...well, most of us do at any rate! We’ve heard often enough that its not about the destination, its about the journey. Stop & smell the roses, it’s not a dress rehearsal etc etc etc. Ok...message received and understood. Life’s a journey.


But sometimes I look around and I wonder whose journey I’m on exactly.

At work we are required for the most part to observe and buy into our employers’ ethos, and even though there may be small degrees of parity on some levels, many of us have to leave our own ethics at the door as we enter our work places, and just bite our tongues to avoid getting so wound up & risk losing our jobs. Financial and economic dependency dictates these conditions. Many spouses can also feel similarly repressed if their partner is the main breadwinner, and communication between them both is a challenge. It is well documented that arguments about money are one of the key factors in soaring divorce rates. Interactions with friends, partners, preachers, teachers and family members and a whole gamut of others we meet along the way, also affect us during our journey.

Some of our interactions can leave us feeling obligated, depleted and empty while others revive us and nourish our souls.

Over time, regular exposure to a particular viewpoint will lead to that viewpoint being adopted as our own. It is said that we are a combination of the 5 people we spend most of our time with.

So that leaves me wondering, is it really my journey or a mish-mash of everyone else’s?

Is uniqueness and individuality merely a concept? We cannot (and indeed must not in my opinion) avoid other people in our lives. Human contact and interaction is essential. However it exposes us to a plethora of ideas, principles, moralities and standards, ranging from high to low and most things in-between. They are all going to influence our passage through this life to one extent or another. The intensity of the influence being even more marked when we are small children, totally vulnerable to the whims and fancies of the adults in our lives, no matter how headstrong the little one may be.

The result is the creation of a comfort zone. The safe, cosy place where we all sit, knowing that no matter what comes along, we are protected by the familiar and the known. But essentially nothing stays the same permanently and change is one of the features of this fragile life. Inevitably, there will come a time in everyone’s life when we have to leave our comfort zones and step out into the unfamiliar. This may be at the end of a relationship, the loss of a partner, upon leaving a job or when our children grow up.
These and other key events in life represent important turning points for us. Many people are fearful and regard change as a threat. I prefer to see change as an opportunity.

Part of the fear of change comes from having to step into our own energy and generate our own experiences instead of vicariously living through those who share our comfort zones. Following is often easier than leading.

We are however spiritual beings having human experiences, and the people who share our journey with us are here by our calling. None of us are followers and none of us are leaders. The experiences we have with our fellow human souls are purposefully and carefully designed to help our souls on our way and get us further along the road. The journey we have embarked upon isn’t about getting a better job or getting a bigger car/house/handbag. This journey we call life is the original & ultimate road-trip! It’s the road-trip that takes us back to a state of love and purity. This is the journet that takes us back home to our maker. I call him God, although you may have another name for the entity that created you and all living things.

The experiences and interactions we have on a daily basis, from the most insignificant to the really big smack-you-between-the-eyes events, all conspire to create what seems to be a mish-mash of a journey. However if we shift our perspective slightly and step away from the drama to observe, then we can start to watch the process unfolding. And it is truly magical. As observers we can draw upon the timeless wisdom of our souls, resulting in an enhanced power of discernment so that the fellow souls we call upon to walk through life with us will enhance our experience of life. The mish-mash is far more subtle and sophisticated than we realise.

So the next time someone irks you or makes you smile, don’t dwell too long on it and avoid getting caught up in the details of the event. Simply appreciate that you asked them to be present in your life at that precise time. They are here to bring you the answer to your soul’s calling. Say thank you graciously and with gratitude for the experience and then consider for a moment where that encounter fits in with your soul’s continuing progress on your personal road-trip. You have two choices: you can honour your soul’s purpose and move forward to the next enlightening meeting or you can remain stuck, feeling like you’re helpless and beholden.

What do you want to do?

Tuesday, 7 September 2010

...Is Thinking...

So today I’m writing about observing our thoughts and the awesome power of that extremely simple process.

First I’d like you to indulge me a little please & stop to take note of what you’re thinking right now.

Is it a positive and kind thought? Is it a suspicious, critical and harsh thought or is it a trusting thought?

Be honest with yourself about your thoughts - after all, you may as well be honest because they’re in your head and nobody else is privvy to what goes on in there....or are they? Do we unwittingly let others in on our most private thoughts without even uttering a word?

I’d say wholeheartedly “YES!”.

The idiom “to speak with a forked tongue” springs to mind here. This refers to when a person says one thing but is intentionally duplicitous because they in fact have a totally different agenda to the one being verbalised. They are basically lying. However, isn’t it true that we always know when a person is lying to us?

That’s why its imperative to be honest and express ourselves openly and from the heart, because the truth of your intentions is ultimately always revealed, even when you use a smoke-screen of seemingly opposing words and actions.

U-oh...you’re worried now aren’t you? But there’s no need to be worried at all. There is a solution which is so simple it’s going to make you laugh out loud...just be honest. Tell the truth. Or let me rephrase that...tell your truth. It may not be received well, it may not even be fully comprehended or accepted but that’s up to the recipient. Their reaction actually doesn’t matter.

Your truth might be “I love lemonade instead of coca cola” or it might be “I don’t love you any more”.

Whatever it is, be brave enough to say it. It’s your authentic truth that resides in the core of your being, and nobody can argue with that. What's more, the best part of telling your truth is that you have taken responsibility for yourself and honoured your Soul’s voice, and that to me is the ultimate peace of mind. No more worries about leakage! You’ve said it, it’s out there, job done!

So the next time you want to say something that is not aligned to your correlating thought, stop for a moment and consider how to rephrase yourself so that you are diplomatically and kindly expressing your truth. Speak your authentic truth with loving intentions and watch what happens. It’s a very powerful place to stand.

Friday, 3 September 2010

...Says Starving Is Unhealthy!

Allow me to begin by repeating the title of this article for those of you who cannot quite believe what you’re reading. Starving is unhealthy. If you’re looking for fast ways to lose weight, you can start by letting go of any intentions you may be harbouring of starving yourself to thinness. And why do I ask you to do this? Because it won’t work. Simple!

Sure, it will work in the short term and you may even lose a few pounds to start with. But the human body is a very clever piece of fine tuned machinery. It has a highly tuned “self-preservation” system which works a bit like the stand-by emergency generator that kicks into action when there’s a power failure. The fat that you’re trying to get rid of will become your fallback source of energy. So instead of losing weight fast, when you start starving yourself, your body reacts by actually holding on to all your excess fat reserves, and it does this in case the starvation is a long term project.

I’m not a doctor, and I’m going to assume you’re not either. But is it really necessary to be a doctor to know that one of the fast ways to lose weight is not by starving yourself? And you know it too. Think of all those people in the public eye you know who lost weight really fast and then a few months (or even weeks in some cases!) put it all back on again...Oprah Winfrey, Kirstie Alley...these are just two of many yo-yo dieters who have not managed to maintain a healthy body weight because they are just trying to lose it too fast. And the body just does not like that.

If you are interested in fast ways to lose weight that are healthy and safe then have a look at this weight loss program designed especially with you in mind. Please consult your healthcare advisor before starting any weight loss program.

Friday, 20 August 2010

...Shares Fast Ways To Lose Weight!

Hi everybody, this is a quick post today. We all want to find fast ways to lose weight, so have a look here for 3 really great tips that will help you!


I'd love to hear your feed back so don't forget to email with me with your own tips or better yet, your weight loss success stories.

Until the next time, take care everyone!

Monday, 2 August 2010

Powerful Anger Management Techniques That Really Work!

Here's a video explaining a little bit about my personal story and how I successfully turned things around using a few simple anger management techniques.

Learn about how you can do the same, and get lots of free useful advice, hints and tips by clicking here now to visit my dedicated site for anger management techniques.

Sunday, 1 August 2010

...Is Looking At The Reasons We Get Angry

Many dramatic results of the application of anger management techniques stem from the willingness to look beyond the anger and really get to grips with the root cause of the anger. In this article I’ll be asking you to take a step back and examine your anger with an independent eye.

Why do this? Because anger never stands alone. It is always a mask for something else. But what, you may be asking. How about fear or hurt or disappointment? How about an unspoken concern or an unexpressed episode of pain, or even an undissolved experience that terrified you? Maybe you don’t even remember the reason why you’re scared, or upset, because you’ve buried it so deep to avoid feeling the pain it brings with it. Anger management techniques are not only about what to do after the episode of anger. It also requires that we look at the reasons why we become angry.

Were you perhaps bullied, abandoned or rejected either as a child or in your adult life? Were you afraid to speak out or were you warned against speaking out? This may have weakened you, making you feel helpless and alone. As a result you may have developed a routine of becoming angry and hostile to boost yourself and feel that some degree of control has been regained.

Or maybe you’re just tired of holding everything together, and the weight of your burden has become too much for you. Perhaps you’re scared that if you stop juggling all those many roles, who will do it instead?

Do any of the suggestions resonate within you? Is there anything written here that makes you react strongly either positively or negatively?

In truth it could be just one thing that has made you react angrily, or it could be a combination of events end experiences. The decision to look deeper into the root cause of your anger is possibly one of the most courageous tasks you will undertake, and I applaud you wholeheartedly.

This is an important step in any set of anger management techniques. Even though there seem to be a lot of open questions here, and not many answers, remember always that the answers lie within you...I’m only giving you a possible road map. You decide the destination. Remember also that you’re always safe to explore your mind and your memories. The things that hurt you before cannot hurt you again. They are only memories. In doing this revisiting exercise, you regain control of your life in a wholesome and healthy way. This will hopefully result in the elimination of your painful emotions attached to those memories, and therefore the elimination of the angry reaction that you may be using to mask it. If you want to learn more about the root causes of anger, have a look at this anger management program designed with you in mind.

Disclaimer: Please note that this article is based on my own experience of successfully using this as an anger management technique. If you have any concerns or anxieties as a result of the contents of this article, then I recommend that you contact your doctor who will fully support you.

Monday, 26 July 2010

..Is Stretching!

Take a few moments today to consider how stretchy you are. And now go ahead and have little stretch...I mean really stretch...stretch your minds, your bodies and your hearts. I think these are 3 key stretches we should be doing every day.

1. THE MIND STRETCH
When we stretch our minds we always think that little bit bigger, countless brilliant ideas flow from that hidden fountain of knowledge held deep within us. Stretching our minds is exciting and it results in a renewed zest for life, boundless energy, burning ambition. In stretching our minds we attract endless opportunities to make something happen, sometimes out of nothing more than an idea. Some of the most amazing advances in this world have been made when inventors, doctors, scientists and business people have stretched their minds and ignored the boundaries, whether real or imagined. What brilliance can you achieve today by stretching your mind and thinking BIG?

2. THE BODY STRETCH When we stretch our bodies we stand a little bit taller our stomach goes in (yay!) & our shoulders broaden. We straighten up our backs and it feels just so great! It’s an instant boost to our confidence and self esteem rises one hundred-fold. You will even tend to smile more. What’s more, everyone you meet sees that there has been a shift in you, but no-one can quite put their finger on it. Standing tall is a physical stretch that really gets you noticed, with hardly any effort on your part. Try it now - go on...really stretch yourself!

3. THE SPIRITUAL STRETCH
And now the final stretch, and my personal favourite, the heart and soul stretch. When we stretch our hearts we are automatically a little bit kinder & more loving. And here’s the best part - everyone benefits! When we feel kindness, compassion and understanding for ourselves it radiates out from within us and it spreads like a ripple effect to everyone we meet. Those people then connect to your flow of positive loving energy, and pass it on in their daily interactions, resulting in the most beautiful flow of natural positive energy. With the spiritual stretch, our sense of gratitude is massively enhanced and this in turn pulls us in closer to our source energy. Be patient with this stretch. It’s not instantaneous, it’s a process. But it never fails to deliver perfectly beautiful results every time.

So now it’s up to you...how much do you want to stretch yourself today?

Sunday, 27 June 2010

...Shares 5 Tips For Anger Management.



We all experience anger at some stage in our lives. Maybe it's even a daily occurrence for you. Either way, you've searched for this article because you want to learn how to control your anger. The anger management techniques I'm going to share with you really do work! Like you, I'm an ordinary person who just wanted to get a handle on things and not feel angry all the time. I'm not a psychologist, I'm in fact a lawyer, and in my lifetime I've had many difficult life experiences that have generated varying degrees of anger. Now I'm focused on getting to my happy place, just like millions of fellow human beings. 

So here goes:

1. WALK AWAY: This is one of the most powerful anger management techniques, and it does work. I'd also recommend that before you walk away, you tell the other person/people that you need to leave the room to calm down and you will be back to discuss the matter calmly. In doing this, your departure is not abrupt and won't create a new cause of tension.

2. TAKE A FEW DEEP BREATHS: There must be a biological reason why this works, because it really does. In yoga and meditation, breathing is used to co-ordinate the flow of energy and create a feeling of calm. Also taking deep breaths allows you to take more oxygen in this stimulates brain activity. In other words, it helps you to think straight.

3. BE AWARE OF THE WAY YOU SPEAK: All too often when we have completed steps 1 & 2, we immediately negate the beneficial effects of those two steps by telling ourselves things like " I'm so LIVID!" or "I'm STUNNED at what s/he just said!". This type of language will keep us trapped in the web of anger. The internal language we use is so crucial in anger management, and if we deliberately choose words that are going to calm us down then the benefits will be enormous. Instead try saying "I'm proud that I left the room, because now I know things will start to calm down." Or you could try saying "This too will pass", while you take your deep breaths.

4. KNOW THAT ANGER IS A MASK: Anger does not stand alone as an emotion, and anger management techniques are only one part of the solution. Anger is often a mask for unexpressed or suppressed fear, hurt, unhappiness or pain. Ask yourself why the situation you're in has created the angry reaction? What pain are you hiding? Is there an unmet need that you are afraid to express for fear of rejection? Identify what has caused the anger and you will then be able to deal with the root of the issue.

5. SAY "THIS TOO WILL PASS": This is a powerful anger management technique and it allows you to get past the immediate anger and look forward to a happier future. 

So there you have my 5 easy anger management techniques. I believe the purpose of life is to experience all of life, not to get stuck in one moment of it. We cannot pick only positive, fun experiences to have in our lives, we must take the rough with the smooth. So when the not-so-positive comes along, you'll be able to apply these 5 techniques and look forward to focussing on the good experiences. I've also got this great anger management program which will help you even more. 

Sunday, 13 June 2010

...Meditates Her Cares Away!

I've been meditating for many years and I'd strongly recommend it, largely  because the benefits are so fantastic. 

At first I was a little bit reluctant to start because meditation just seemed terribly grown-up & complicated, so I put it off for a long time. But over the years I've devised a very simple method of meditating which cuts out the complications, and works for me,and now it's become one of the favourite parts of my day. 

Meditation leaves me feeling relaxed, balanced and centred, and able to cope with life's daily trials. So this is how I do it:

1. STEP ONE: Sit or lie down with your eyes closed in a comfortable place where you won't be disturbed. Turn off your phone, television and computer if possible. I usually meditate at the end of my day just before I go to sleep to ensure that I won't be disturbed. I start my meditation by mentally going through my day, and giving thanks for the blessings of my day and the opportunities that have come to me that day. Being grateful puts me in a receiving frame of mind, which is important as it allows a connection with the still, quiet spiritual voice within. Smile. Smiling is a fantastic way to begin your relaxation.

2. STEP TWO: When you are comfortable and relaxed, start to notice your breathing. Breathe in and out, counting on each exhale. Do this in batches of 20. When you get to 20, start again at 1. Do this as many times as you need to or want to. During this phase you may notice lots of thoughts popping into your head, and you may start to fidget. You may feel the urge to get up and check that you turned the iron off, or locked the front door, or even to check your bank accounts online. Don't worry if this happens. Just allow the thoughts to pop up, and let them pass. This is the mind resisting, because it wants to be in control. All you have to do is keep breathing gently and keep counting. If you lose count, it's ok -just start again from 1.

3. STEP THREE: By now you should be feeling relaxed, and calm. To start with you may not be able to meditate like this for longer than a few minutes, but with practise and discipline your meditation sessions will gradually get longer and longer. At this point, as you are lying with your eyes closed, you may wish to imagine a powerful shaft of white and gold light pouring into you through the top of your head, and spreading throughout your body, cleansing you as it flows through you, and out through your feet. As this light leaves your body through your feet, imagine that your worries, illnesses and negativities have been cleaned out and are leaving you permanently. Then the Universal Energy that surrounds all of us transmutes the negative energy back into positive energy, so that as you inhale, you breathe in positive, nourishing energy via the light that flows through you. 

4. STEP FOUR: If you fall asleep during your meditation, then that's fine. I find this is one of the best ways to fall asleep if I have a lot of tension or if I've had a particularly bad day, and upon awakening I always feel refreshed and relaxed. If you don't want to fall asleep, and instead wish to wake up after meditating, then do so slowly by gently moving your fingers and toes, but keep your eyes closed. Then make your breath a little deeper, and open your eyes. 

You should feel calm and centred and glowing with a sense of renewed purpose. Take that calmness with you into your day. If you want to take your relaxation further and explore it in more detail, then you will like this ultimate relaxation program. This stress busting program is great for anger management, relaxation, and shares 101 ways to live a stress free life. Who doesn't want that?

...Shares 5 Tips For A Happy Home.


We all want to be good parents, and we all want to have a happy family and harmony in our home life. When we have our children we want the best for them but we also want the parenting experience to be a fulfilling one for us. i believe that this can be achieved by making a few simple decisions with our partners from the start, perhaps even during the pregnancy. Doing this will set the tone for the parenting roles of Mum & Dad from day one. My aim here is to provide you with a few handy tips that will make the role of parenting an exciting one that fills you with enthusiasm and anticipation rather than with dread! These tips work with children of all ages, but they are best employed from an early age. 

1. RESPECT EACH OTHER. Our children's first classroom is the home. That is where they take their first lessons in life. If parents behave respectfully towards each other in the way they speak to each other behave to wards each other this gives children a fantastic start in so many ways. Not only do they feel happy and secure in themselves, growing up in a respectful household, but they will also learn the importance of respecting others. This is a life lesson that will stay with them throughout their lives. 

2. SET BOUNDARIES FOR YOUR CHILDREN. A child's natural instinct, whether they are 2 years old or 12 years old is to get what they want when they want it! They are not instinctively attuned towards delayed gratification. Whilst this is natural for them, it is a nightmare for parents! So if you put in a system of boundaries around controversial matters such as bedtime, acceptable behaviour at mealtimes, homework and study to name but a few, your child will benefit. If you do this when they are very young it removes the element of conflict and simply becomes a part of their normal daily routine.

3. STICK TO A ROUTINE WITH YOUNGSTERS. When children are young, they really benefit from having a daily routine that does not vary dramatically. This is important because it enhances their sense of security in their home life which is crucial. Additionally it allows them to grow and develop naturally without having the added concern of the scenery changing constantly at home, which can be a destabilising factor.

4. SUPPORT EACH OTHER It is vitally important that both of the parents buy into all decisions made around disciplining the children. If you do not do this then the children get mixed messages around what is expected of them behaviourally, and that confusion will lead to them misbehaving as a result. Make sure that you discuss any disciplinary measures together before imposing them on the children. 

5. EAT AT LEAST ONE MEAL EACH DAY TOGETHER AS A FAMILY. The hectic lifestyle of the average 21st century family can leave us with precious little time to relax together. This can lead to isolation from each other, and as our children grow up and develop interests outside the family home, with friends and school, the gap between parents and their children grows ever wider. This can be prevented if you make an effort to sit together for one meal, or more if that's possible, and eat together as a family. All the family will benefit, and most importantly one of the key positive effects for the children is a strong sense of belonging. Eating together around a table also encourages good table manners which they will take with them through life.

So there are my 5 simple steps to take the stress out of parenting. If you're feeling like you need a little more help lowering your stress levels, then try this relaxation program which might be just what you're looking for!

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

...Says A Little Prayer For You!

Today one of my very dear sweet friends was somewhat troubled, so I suggested that he say a prayer to help ease his burden. "Oh but I'm not really religious" he replied, immediately categorising the idea as untenable.

That made me think, is the concept of prayer exclusively owned by religion or can we all pray, even if we aren't religious? 

I'm not particularly religious, but I always pray. I regard prayer as asking for help. To me, a prayer is not about religion. Prayer is about needing help, asking for that help and then waiting patiently with the full knowledge and trust that your prayer has been heard and will be answered. 

Read that last sentence again and look at that little word "trust". How does that make you feel?  

Many times I've said a prayer and because the answer didn't come in my time frame, I assumed I would have to do the leg work and get the ball rolling. So instead of waiting patiently, trusting that my prayer had been answered, I took over. I didn't trust. And of course the result was that the answer either went unheard, because I was too busy, or it went by unnoticed because I had forgotten about my request.

That's a little bit like going out for a meal, giving the waiter your order and after waiting a few moments, giving up and going into the kitchen and cooking it myself, or standing over the chef while s/he cooks! Who does that? Nobody as far as I'm aware. So why do we do it with prayers? What drives us to feel we have to do it all? 

We don't have to do it all. Help is available. 

This is my recommendation on how to pray: say your prayer, be very specific about what you're asking for, and then let it go. Just speak using your normal language, and ask for what you need. Sometimes my prayer is just these three words "Please help me". And the help always comes.

Don't worry about being in a designated place of prayer, instead find that place within you where stillness sits. In my opinion, that's the best prayer house on this earth.

And please don't worry about what you're wearing or if your hair looks good. Just say a little prayer. Or a long prayer. It's up to you. Make your prayer personal to you. I don't believe we can influence others in our prayers, but we can seek to enhance our lives. So you can't pray for David Beckham or Kelly Brook to fall in love with you, but you can pray for a happy, healthy relationship with someone kind, compassionate and thoughtful (insert any words of your choice here!) who loves and respects you.

Next, please don't get upset if it doesn't happen straight away. That will only serve to diminish your trust. While you wait for your prayer to be answered, you must have trust that it's in the process of being delivered. 

Get excited that it's on it's way. Look forward happily to receiving your answer, and feel positively grateful that your prayer has been heard. Waiting with a heavy heart is so painful, but waiting in hopeful expectation is exhilarating and uplifting. 

I suggest that those are the very feelings we should to aim to cultivate in our lives, and if we imbue our prayers with those feelings, we'll see miracles happening every day all around us.

I don't know if my beautiful friend did say a prayer after all, but I said one asking for my heart to stay open and loving.

Sunday, 30 May 2010

...Survives Teenagers!


Ok so...teenagers. This is a very touchy subject, and all you parents of teenagers out there know what I'm talking about here. The band My Chemical Romance sing of teenagers who "scare the living sh*t out of me". 

I have got two of them. You may have only one or you may have 6. At the time of writing, mine are 14 and 16. All full of hormones and letting the whole world know about it.  They've got an opinion on everything and they're always right. 

Sound familiar? At this point may I say that you have my sympathies. 

First a few pertinent questions: have you searched for this article because your teenagers are driving you crazy? Have you just lost your voice in the latest bout of yelling? Truth be told is all the energy you've got left going to your fingers while you type on your keyboard? Is the keyboard taking the brunt of it right now? Bashing those keys are we? YES? Then read on! This may help.

1. TAKE A DEEP BREATH: In fact take as many breaths as you think you need. This will give you some distance from the scenario and will defuse the intensity of the situation. It benefits both you and your beloved teenager, and gives you a chance to consider if this is really how you wish to engage with each other. This may be the end of it and you might not need to read any more. Congratulations, and have a great day. However, if after doing this you still feel the need to re-engage then please continue reading.

2. SAY YOUR PIECE: The operative word here being "say". Please try not to yell. When you have perfected this method, please email me and share how you did it without yelling. I was raised in a household where yelling was the norm, and even though as an adult I now understand the negative impact on the children when we yell, I still do it on occasions. It's rare but it does still happen. Try to remember your words are the same whether you yell or speak them. Say what you have to say, get your point across calmly and the chances are you will be heard. If you yell and stomp (I'm not a stomper by the way) then the message gets lost and they just won't hear you. Take as long as you need to, write it down if you have to, but get it out there. 

3.STICK TO THE FACTS and don't use accusatory blaming language. Say "When you did that, it made me feel_____", rather than "You're always acting up and you're so stupid and useless." Keep focused on the matter at hand, and avoid using this latest incident to personify your child. Consider pointing out the "...stupid thing you did.." rather than "...you're so stupid.." Stay respectful and maintain your dignity at all times.

4. GIVE AND ASK FOR AN APOLOGY: It may or may not be appropriate for you to apologise, but this is for you to assess. If you think that your actions may have caused the argument in the first place then just apologise. Remember you're the adult, and you want to teach your teenager how an adult would behave. If they witness you engaging with them in a destructive way they will learn that this is how adults respond, and they will repeat the behaviour in their own adult life. If you think you deserve an apology then ask for one. It may not be forthcoming, but that is up to them. You only need to ask. Remember they are hormonal teenagers, and the last thing they want to do is accept they are wrong. Your job as the parent is to show them that sometimes you have to hold your hands up and take responsibility for your actions. Bear in mind that the apology may come many years down the line, when they are facing the same situation with their own teenagers.

5. TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM: Why? Because you do. The bond between parent and child is not broken because of a temporary hormonal imbalance your child is enduring. Sometimes they need the reassurance of hearing that you love them. Be the adult and just say it.

6. WALK AWAY: This is such an important stage in an argument with your teenager. Leave the room and let what you have said sink in. It may or may not have an immediate impact but it will get through at some level, and walking away is a very powerful way of exercising self-control.

7. LET IT GO: Remember you want them to go out in to the big wide world fully kitted out with the toolbox of social skills. You're the parent. They won't learn these lessons at school. Also you have the benefit of experience. Your intensely hormonal teenager may think they know it all, but you really do know it all. This won't be the first time you have a disagreement, and the chances are it will happen again. Why exhaust yourself every time? Life really is too short, so give yourself a break and let it go. Rest assured they will remember and one day they will thank you for your calm, collected approach. 

If your stress levels are affecting you and your family, then take a look at this unique program which may help you.